SweeNNY Todd: The Homicidal Maniac of Fleet Street
by IceHamBrainfreezy
Summary: Written for shits and giggles, and potential feels. A little rendition of this wonderful movie with Jhonen characters. Hope you enjoy it. I wrote this for my own amusement as well as the amusement of some friends. I wrote my friend's Invader Zim OC, Mel in this with her permission. I do not own Mel. I also do not own Johnny the Homicidal Maniac or Sweeney Todd.
1. End to the Happy

Gold light enveloped the land, setting the scene of a beautiful, innocent day at the park. Johnny C. stood by his lovely Irken wife, Mel, a short, radiant little woman with a pink bow tied lavishly around an antenna. They were a happy couple, lovely people. They always had guests, were nice to the homeless insane, and even made a decent amount of money to keep the home stable. People often said they were perfect. They had it made, and they made it themselves.

In her arms lay their beautiful baby girl, Tess. She was the love of their happily wedded lives. Their pride, their joy. They were the perfect little family, strolling through the amber glow of the day. Everyone was filled with such happiness. Families were bonding, passerby were passing by, and birds of all kinds were singing.

A sudden dark shadow, billowing toward them like smoke. A man. He had been lurking around for a while now. He had sometimes offered Johnny a smile, but they had never spoke. This is why Johnny hadn't reason to think poorly of him; he seemed an affable man at all interactions they had. But this day was like no other.

Jimmy was his name. He narrowed his eyes and let them pass over Mel, Johnny's beautiful wife he had cherished so much. Johnny smiled down at his daughter, oblivious to this. When his eyes came up, they met Jimmy's wandering eyes for a moment before the man's bulging eyes leered her up and down. Johnny's mouth contorted from a smile to a grimace in the time it took for the man to grab Mel's arm, dragging her off with him. Johnny, angry, ran after them. Jimmy simply smirked at him, before turning to the crowd of people and pointing, shouting at Johnny, "MURDERER! IT WAS HIM! SOMEONE TAKE HIM AWAY!" Johnny's eyes widened and his pupils shriveld as his arms were grabbed by two large men. Johnny shook. He had never murdered _anyone._ He wasn't the kind of person to want to harm anyone. He swung his legs wildly, trying to break free. "MEL!" Tears sprang to his eyes as he stared back his distraught wife, the cries of their baby girl filling the air.


	2. No Place Like East San Jose

The sound of boots stomping the pavement filled the street as Johnny C., now known as Nny C., walked quickly, his expression hard. He had returned from his exile a new man with a new alias and new appearance. What once was well-groomed and slicked-back black hair was now messy and spiky, sticking up at all ends and shaved cleanly underneath, as if his head was sprouting black grass. He was clad in all black, his black and white sleeves horizontally striped. His boots black and cloven-toed, the toes silver. They made a soft clang against the cement along with the stomping of the heel.

An even male voice rang out, singing out a bit raspily, the melody disenchanted,

 _I have traveled the world,_

 _beheld its posers_

 _from the mindless zealots_

 _to the wannabes who think they're cool,_

 _But there's no place like East San Jose!_

Nny grimaced a bit, muttering in a singsone voice in retort,

 _No, there's no place like East San Jose..._

The other, younger man glanced over at him. "...Nny?" He wrinkled his nose a bit.

Nny's cold, hazel eyes passed over the man.

 _You are young..._

 _Life has been kind to you..._

 _You will learn._

 _._

 _._

 _._

 _._

Nny's feet clanked as he stomped a bit faster, more aggressive, setting a sort of metronome for himself as he tried to walk as quickly away as possible and get away from this kid, Dillon.

 _There's a hole in the world like a great, black pit_

 _and the vermin of the world inhabit it_

 _and its morals aren't worth what a pig can spit_

 _and it goes by the name of East... San... Jose..._

 _At the top of the hole sit a privileged few_

 _Making MOCK of the vermin in the lower zoo_

 _turning beauty to filth and greed..._

 _I too have seen the world and seen its blunders,_

 _for the cruelty of men is as "wondrous"as the zealots_

 _but there's no place like East San Jose!_

Dillon raised a brow. "Is everything alright, Nny?..."

Nny shook his head and spoke, "I beg your indulgence, Dillon. But my mind is far from easy. In these once familiar streets I feel shadows, everywhere."

Dillon wrinkled his nose. "Shadows?"

Nny opened his mouth and began, softly,

 _There was an artist and his wife_

 _and she was beautiful..._

 _a foolish artist and his wife._

 _She was his reason and his life..._

 _and she was beautiful,_

 _and she was virtuous._

 _And he was naive._

 _There was another man who saw_

 _that she was beautiful..._

 _A pious vulture, disregard for the law_

 _who, with a gesture of his claw,_

 _removed the artist from his plate!_

 _Then there was nothing but to wait!_

 _And she would fall!_

 _So soft!_

 _So young!_

 _So lost_

 _and oh, so beautiful!_

Dillon crossed his arms. "The lady... Did she succumb?"

Johnny shoved his hands into his pockets.

 _Oh, that was many years ago... I doubt if anyone would know._

Dillon cleared his throat awkwardly. Nny glanced upward. "I'd like to thank you, Dillon. If you hadn't bailed me out, I'd still be in the psyche ward.." He sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He hadn't felt crazy _before_ he was taken there...

Dillon just shrugged. "Whatever, man. Will I run into you again? Or are you gonna threaten me into spending more time with you?" He let out a nasally groan.

Johnny simply rolled his eyes, but kept a firm tone. "You might find me. If you like, around house number 777. I wouldn't wonder..." A small smirk fell upon his lips. He was sure no one had moved there. Something about that place sent people away from ever buying it. But not Johnny and his wife... But of course, they had dwelled there. And all this had happened soon after... Hmm...

Dillon shrugged, kinda smirking a little at the other, but not wanting to seem like he actually liked talking to him. Even if he did, but he'd never admit it. He was too cool for that. Or so he thought, anyway. "Til then, my man."

Johnny nodded him away, once again walking at a faster pace, leaving Dillon behind as he gritted his teeth in anger.

 _There's a hole in the world like a great, black pit_

 _and it's filled with people who are filled with SHIT,_

 _And the vermin of the world inhabit it..._

As he stomped on, thoughts of revenge cascaded through his mind.


	3. The Worst Paintings in East San Jose

Johnny, his mind set on returning to his old home, strolled on with a bored expression etched on his face. Though waves of vengeful and sadistic thoughts ran through his head, he managed to keep his composure.

He approached his home at a steady pace, but stopped in front of it. There was a sign on the top of his home. 'Nerve ENDINGS'. Johnny strode in skeptically, his mind reeling with confusion.

The woman in the front behind a counter stood there and her emerald eyes lit up as Nny walked in. The woman ran a hand through her short, purple hair and made herself smile. Johnny eyed her. "I thought I lived here."

The woman sat down behind her counter and shook her head. "No one's lived here for 15 years. I saw the for sale sign and took it. Then I decided to make a small business out of it. I paint. I take requests for a small fee." She gestured around at the walls, lined with all kinds of paintings from watercolor to abstract, often things regarding zombies or outer space. "I haven't had a customer in... oh, I dunno how long."

Johnny sat down at the counter and rested his arms on it. "Have you... seen a small... green woman by the name of Mel, by any chance? She's an Irken alien..." He wondered if she was thinking he was crazy as he said this, even though aliens had become a semi-common sight among some people here. 'Hell, I was able to MARRY one.'

Her eyes met his. "Oh... No, I don't believe so. She, um... Well, it was on the news and in all the town's papers.. Sad to say she poisoned herself with arsenic after she was... raped by him..." The woman looked a bit uncomfortable as she shared this information, but pressed on. "I believe Jimmy's still there now. At his old place. Her daughter, Tess is his ward. He keeps her up in the highest story, locked in all day, every day. He never lets her leave. Poor girl." She frowned.

Johnny took a moment to process this. He stared at the counter, his heart swelling in his chest. He raised his head, his orbs vacantly frozen on the wall.

Johnny rose and turned away, ready to leave. The woman called out,

 _Wait! What's your rush? What's your hurry?_

 _You gave me such a fright I thought you were a ghost_

 _Half a minute can't you sit, sit you down, sit!_ She runs over and gently sits him back down by his shoulders, attempting to console the poor man.

 _All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer in weeks_

 _Would you maybe like a painting, sir?_

 _Do forgive me if my head's a little vague_

 _Have to keep the screws in_

 _But you'd think we had the plague_

 _From the way that people_

 _keep avoiding!_

 _No you don't!_

 _Heaven knows I try, sir!_

 _But there's no one comes in even just to view!_

 _Right you are, sir, would you like something?; I serve refreshments too_

 _Mind you I can hardly blame them!_

 _These are the worst paintings in East San Jose._

 _I know why nobody cares to take them!_

 _I should know!_

 _I paint them!_

 _But good? No..._

 _The worst paintings in East San Jose..._

 _Even that's polite! The worst paintings in East San Jose!_

 _If you doubt it, take another look!_

Johnny glanced at them.

The woman continued,

 _Is that just mediocre?_

 _You have to concede it!_

 _The skills of a blind ogre_

 _Here, drink this, you'll need it_

She slid a can acros the counter of a very highly caffienated beverage, a cherry FizWiz, his way.

 _The worst paintings in East San Jose!_

 _And no wonder with the price of art_

 _what it is_

 _when you get it._

 _They'll never even see the light of day._

 _Men would think it was a treat_

 _findin' poor_

 _artists_

 _that are dyin' in the street._

 _Mr. Nerve has an art gallery._

 _Does a business, but I notice something weird._

 _Lately, all his artist neighbors have disappeared._

 _Have to hand it to him!_

 _What a course,_

 _can you see this?_

 _Spilling blood on a canvas!_

 _Wouldn't do it in my shop!_

 _Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!_

 _And I'm telling you those poor kids are quick!_

 _No denying times are hard, sir!_

 _Even harder than the worst paintings in East San Jose._

 _Only time and nothing more-_

 _Is that just pathetic?_

 _All time and no money!_

 _You're likely apathetic!_

 _All charcol, no chartruse, or honey_

 _A woman alone... without her way_

 _And the worst paintings in East San Jose!_

 _Ah, sir._

 _Times are hard._

 _Times are hard._

Johnny nodded a bit, eyeing her paintings. "They aren't bad. I like them. Most people just don't have appreciation for art, anymore. It's sad, really." He quietly cracked open the FizWiz and took a long chug.

The woman spoke up. "My name's Devi." She wiped her paint-covered hands off with a small, ratty, blue rag before reaching one out, offering to shake his. He shook her hand swiftly. "Nice to meet you, Devi. I am Nny."

Devi smiled. "You don't have a home anymore?" He shook his head. Devi seemed to consider this for a moment. "Hmm.. Well, this place has two stories and a few rooms. I live here when I'm not keeping shop. You could stay in the one guest room no one uses if you wish. There are a few rooms down here, too. A bedroom I use, a kitchen, and a boiler room with a furnace I use to melt crayons sometimes. Or my own paintings if I am not satisfied with them.." She sighed a little, leaning against the wall and staring into space. She looked tired.

Nny looked up at her. "I used to be an artist, too. I used to paint, draw, write. I could possibly contribute to this place?" He stood up, walking around and studying the cracks in the walls, his fingers feeling along all the small divets.

"Oh, sure! That'd be awesome," She replied softly.

Nny walked all around the lower half of the house, making his way into the living room with was now line with paintings and small statues. Wait. He remembered these! Two, small, black and white doughboy statues. He'd gotten them at a yardsale for next to nothing; they were practically a steal! They stood in front of a blank wall.

"Psst." Nny heard the sound, turning around. What was she on about?-

"Hey. Johnny..." His eyes widened as they met both of the doll's, darting back and forth. One of them... Wasn't it? One of them had spoken... "How do you know my name?" Johnny spoke lowly, trying not to let Devi, who was in the other room, hear him and think he was losing it.


	4. Poor Thingy

"You really don't remember, do you, Johnny?" The one with white eyes spoke. "You're horrendously insane, Johnny! That's why you were taken away! You used to paint this wall... You used to kill... Jimmy didn't wrongly accuse you like you thought, you know..." Nny's eye twitched a little. "I-I had to... I... N-No... I didn't... I was happy! We were all okay!-"

"-You kept it a secret from them.. They loved you. You kept it all at bay, Johnny... for your family. Your beautiful wife... A lovely mural she would have made if you had listened to ME! You have to continue while you're back again, Johnny! Paint the mural! You have to _contribute_ like you said..."

The other one, Mr. Eff shrieked out, "CUE THE MUSIC AND LIGHTS!"

Johnny stepped back, his eyes warily darting back behind him. 'Could she hear them?.. No...'

Suddenly a small melody creeped in...

Devi: _There was an artist and his wife_

 _And he was beautiful..._

Psycho Doughboy: _A proper artist with a knife,_

Mr. Eff: _but they transported him for life._

Devi: _And he was beautiful..._

Johnny held his head in his hands. Was any of this real?... His reality was staged. All reality was... staged? He was so damn sure...

"C. was the name. Johnny C."

Suddenly he was back in the main gallery room, Devi's back turned against her. She was right in front of him. He disregarded the questions he could have asked. A small smirk spread across his face. "What was his crime?"

Devi seemed to tremble where where she stood only slightly, not bothering to turn as she gathered herself. "Foolishness..."

 _He had this wife, ya see._

 _Pretty little thing,_

 _silly little nit._

 _Had her chance for the moon on a string..._

 _Poor thing!_

 _Poor thing!_

 _There was this man called Jimmy, ya see..._

 _Wanted her like mad!_

 _Everyday he sent her a flower_

 _But did she come down from her tower?_

 _Sat up and sulked there by the hour_

 _Poor fool!_

 _Ah, but there was worse yet to come_

 _Poor thing!_

 _Well, Krik calls on her all polite_

 _Poor thing!_

 _Poor thing!_

 _Jimmy, he tells her, is all contrite._

 _He blames himself for the dreadful plight._

 _She must come straight to his house tonight!_

 _Poor thing!_

 _Poor thing!_

 _They're having this Hallow's eve party all in masks._

 _There's no one she knows there..._

 _Poor thing!_

 _Poor thing!_

 _She wonders, tormented and drinks!_

 _Poor thing!_

 _"Oh, where is Jimmy?" she asks..._

 _He was there, alright!_

 _Only not so contrite!_

 _She wasn't a match for such thing, ya see._

 _So all of them stood there and laughed, ya see!_

 _Poor soul!_

 _Poor thing!_

Johnny's eyes grew wide and he slammed his fist down on the counter. "NO! Would no one have mercy on her!?"

Devi turned around in a slow, semi-twirl, a smirk on her lips. "So, it's you. Johnny C."

"No! That man is long dead. It's Nny now. Nny C. And he will have his revenge."


	5. My Friends

"Well, time you went upstairs and got your things all settled, then." Devi spoke after the long silence. Nny nodded, walking over to the stairs and up them carefully, his hand running along the smooth, wooden railing. When he had made it up, he walked down the hall and chose the bedroom all the way away from the staricase, just above the boiler room. He knew he would have to deal with the noisy furnace and generators, but the hum would possibly help put him at ease. 'It's better than the silence...'

He entered the room and closed the door behind him with a gentle click before turning the light on.

Before him lay suitcases he knew to be his upon immediate glance. 'No one threw my things out... I'm sure someone must have gone through them...' He grabbed the biggest suitcase and opened it, revealing a ton of clothes he would have to begin putting in drawers. He hoisted the suitcase up with a grunt and then with a 'THUD', sat it on the floor beside the dresser. He began the process of picking up clothes, folding them neatly, and setting them inside of the dresser.

After about an hour of sorting through all of the clothes that he had grown to miss, he shut the suitcase and tossed it into the closet. He turned around to face the wide room once more but his eyes were beckoned by a medium-sized box laying gingerly on his pillow. He walked over to the box and picked it up, sitting down on the bed. He popped the case open to reveal what he had hopefully anticipated: all of his knives were there. He had remembered putting these all inside. He had tried to keep them there at the time, not wanting Mel to find out the dark secret he kept.

He admired the blades and reached into the box, pulling out two long, sharp blades with round, tennisball-sized smiley heads on the bottom of both hilts.

He faced the luminent gold that was coming in through the window, holding the blades up as his eyes took in their elegance.

 _These are my friends._

 _See how they glisten._

 _See this one shine..._

 _How he smiles_

 _in the light_

 _My friend..._

 _My faithful friend..._

 _Speak to me, friend._

 _Whisper..._

 _I'll listen._

 _I know,_

 _I know you've been locked_

 _out of sight_

 _all these years, like ME_

 _My friend..._

 _Well, I've come home..._

 _to find you waiting!_

 _home,_

 _and we're together!_

 _And we'll do wonders._

 _Won't we?_

 _You there, my friend?_

Hands lay gently on Nny's shoulders. He shivered a bit at the touch and turned his head away from her.

Devi: _I'm your friend too, Mr. C..._

Nny: _Come let me hold you._

Devi: _If only you knew, Mr. C._

 _Ooh, Mr. C._

Nny: _Now, with a sigh, you grow warm in my hand._

 _My friend!_

Devi: _You've come home!_

Nny: _Rest now, my friends_

Devi: _Always had a fondness for you, I did._

He twirled the knife, eyes examining every small detail.

Devi: _Never you fear, Mr. C._

Nny: Soon I'll withdraw you...

Devi: _You can move in here, Mr. C._

Nny was hardley paying her any mind, his stare transfixed on the blades.

Nny: soon you'll know

 _Together: splendors_

 _you never have dreamed_

 _all your days_

 _will be yours!_

 _I'm your friend_

Nny: _and you're MINE!_

 _'Til now your shine was merely silver_

Devi: _Silver's good enough for me, Mr. C._

Nny: _Friends, you shall drip rubies,_

 _you'll soon drip precious... rubies_

He stared for a long time at the silver, his eyes hardening a bit before he rose, a small, maniacal grin spreading from ear to ear. "AT LAST! I AM COMPLETE AGAIN!"

Mr. Eff heaved a small, cartoony sigh and kicked small trinkets off of the shelf he was placed on beside his forced companion, D-Boy. D-Boy simply rolled his spiraling eyes at his actions and stood completely still.

D-Boy shrieked, "ON WITH THE SHOW, THEN! THESE PEOPLE ARE GETTING IMPATIENT! BEING A DIRECTOR SUCKS ASS!"

Nailbunny nodded and droned, "And the pay is worthless..."

Mr. Eff bowed and did a cutesy little dance before he began:

 _LIFT your daggers high!_

 _Johnny!_

 _Hear them screaming!_

 _Yes!_

 _Stick it in the rosy skin of their worthlessness!_

 _His voice was soft, his manner mild._

 _He often laughed, but seldom smiled._

 _He'd seen how "civilized" men behaved._

 _He never forgot_

 _and he never forgave._

 _Not Johnny..._

 _Not Johnny C..._

 _The Homicidal Maniac._


	6. Yellow-Rumped Cacique

A young woman sat in her creaky wooden chair beside a window, her eyes gazing out at the day. The early morning sunrise was visible over the horizon and it was all she had ever been able to experience of the outside world. That, and the same things she saw everyday. The same shops, the same people, the same cars. But it was when she felt the most free she's ever been. When _he_ wasn't around.

The young woman's name was Tess. She kept her dark hair short and shaved on the sides and wore simple, dark makeup. She did what she was _allowed_ to do. On _his_ terms. He liked her to make herself up and look pretty everyday, even when she didn't want to. When he was around, she wasn't allowed to wear her glasses. "It hides your beauty," he had once said. She had told him she needed them to see, but his disproving glare had quieted the young woman. She wore her glasses in secret, when he wasn't around, so she could see the few splendors of the outside world in greater detail. Besides, she rather not see him clearly, anyway. He was disgusting.

She propped her hand upon her chin and sighed, staring out into the world. She watched as birds swooped by and chirped gleefully at her. One had even perched upon the other side of her window sill. Slowly, with a careful and timid hand, she pressed it up against the cold glass, gazing at the bird.

 _Yellow-rumped cacique, tawny-shouldered blackbird_

 _How is it you sing?_

 _How could you celebrate_

 _sitting in cages_

 _never taking wing?_

 _Outside the sky awaits_

 _beckoning!_

 _Beckoning!_

 _Just beyond the bars..._

 _How would you remain_

 _staring at the rain_

 _dreams of going over the stars?_

 _How is it you sing_

 _anything?_

 _How is it you sing?_

 _Yellow-rumped cacique, tawny-shouldered blackbird_

 _How is it you sing?_

 _When comes the melody_

 _constantly flowing_

 _Is it rejoicing or merely crowing?_

 _Are you discussing?_

 _Or fussing?_

 _or simply dreaming?_

 _Are you writhing?_

 _Are you screaming?_

 _Raven and troupial_

 _Is it for money?_

 _Singing for a buck?_

 _Have you decided it's safer in cages?_

 _Well, I don't give a FUCK!_

 _My cage has many rooms_

 _dark, cold, and desolate_

 _Nothing ever sings.._

 _Ah..._

 _Yellow-rumped cacique, tawny-shouldered blackbird,_

 _teach me how to sing_

 _If I cannot leave..._

 _Let me sing._


	7. Amiss

The young man, Dillon, who had bailed our protagonist out of the nuthouse, had happened to be walking by some homes and apartment complexes, and, more significantly, the young woman, Tess's home she was locked in. He'd seen her every day now and went out of his way to do so, but she had never noticed him. She was either facing away from him, or reading a book. Sometimes crying. Sometimes she cried. It pained him to witness, but he wasn't very good at showing sympathy.

 _I have traveled the world,_

 _beheld its posers_

 _from the mindless zealots_

 _to the wannabes who think they're cool,_

 _but not even in East San Jose!_

 _Have I seen such a woman..._

 _Girl_

 _Look at me!_

 _Hey, look at me!_

 _Bitch, I said look at-_

 _Please, oh_

 _favor ME!_

 _Favor ME!_

 _With your glance!_

 _Seriously, are you blind?_

 _What do you_

 _Can you even_

 _see up in those trees? Oh,_

 _won't you just_

 _won't you give me a chance!_

 _Who would travel anywhere_

 _for all its shit_

 _when here I am_

 _lies the best thing yet_

 _Amiss. I am._

 _Ah, look at you, though!_

 _Look at you,_

 _pale skin and ebony style_

 _Oh, look at you_

 _looking so sad, what the fuck?_

 _Promise not to retreat to the dark,_

 _back of your window_

 _not 'til you_

 _not 'til you just look the fuck down here for a second!_

 _Look at me!_

 _Hey, look at ME!_

Tess stared literally two steps beside Dillon, still not noticing him.

Tess: _Yellow-rumped cacique, tawny-shouldered blackbird_

 _Teach me how to sing!_

 _If I can't leave..._

Dillon: _LOOK AT ME!_ He waved his arms spazztically.

Tess: _Let me sing..._

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a small, black-cloaked woman appeared behind Dillon. We'll just call her Crazy Lady.

Crazy Lady: _Change, change for a miserable woman!_

 _I beg you, sir_

 _Thank ya, thank ya kindly..._

Dillon huffed in annoyance and glanced at the short woman. "One sec, hag. Who lives there?" He points at the window Tess was behind.

The Crazy Lady shook and trembled. "That? That's Jimmy's house..."

Dillon cocked a brow. "Kay...? And the woman who lives there?"

"Oh, her? That's Tess, his pretty little captive... But don't go tresspassing there, young man! Not if you value your ass. Tread here and you'll probably get your ass kicked into next Tuesday. Tuesday's them UFO days."

The Crazy Lady began to lift her hands and sing:

 _Hey, hoy! Ugly boy!_

 _Probably get his ass beat!_

 _Open the gate!_

 _But don't be late!_

 _Or off with someone's headmeats!_

Dillon sighed and handed the woman a quarter. "Okay, whatever. Thanks, now scram." He leaned against the wall and took out a cigarette, lighting it. 'Yeah.. This'll make me look real moody and she'll probably think I'm cool or something and wanna talk to me,'

He lit the cigarette as the Crazy Lady waltzed away, still singing disenchanted melodies and songs of ass-beatings.

He cleared his throat and stood in front of the girl's window, cigarette between his fingers as he sang out in a raspy, gruff, and really awful voice,

 _I feeeeeeeeel you, Teeeeees_

 _I feeeeeel you..._

 _I was half-convinced there weren't any hot chicks_

 _But then I see you and your dark lipstick_

 _You look kinda cool, Teeeees_

 _Teeees._

 _I'll steeeeeeeeaaaaal you, Teeeeeeees_

 _I'll heeeeeaaaaal you_

 _Does he think that he can hide you?_

 _Even now, I'm standing at you_

 _I am in the darkness by you_

 _My hands tousled in your ebony hair_

 _I feeeeeel you, Teeeees._

 _And one day I'll steal you!_

 _'Til then_

 _I'm with you here_

 _My hands tousled in your ebony hair!_

"God, will somebody shut this kid UP?!"

Dillon yelped when a can of creamed corn hit him upside the back of his head, causing him to fall and drop his cigarette... on his face.

"AHHHHHHHH, FUCK! WHY?!"


	8. Invader Zim's Head-Shrinking Elixir

Devi had continued painting, and Nny had helped with a few, suddenly gaining his thought to be long-forgotten skills back and then some. It was becoming quite satisfying. They would work and talk about many various different things like music, television, etc. Johnny grit his teeth as he smeared the blood-red paint on the canvas, not at all satisfied with the color. It wasn't quite right. It wasn't the real thing.

"Johnny...~" He winced and dropped the brush on the floor as the voice pounded into his cranium. "Johnny, there are SHITTY PEOPLE out there LIVING IT UP and you're just sitting here, finger painting and whatnot for NOTHING. You could actually be out getting customers and COLLECTING PAINT, if ya know what I mean..."

He bit his lip long and hard until it was bleeding, balling his fists.

"Are you alright, Nny?.." Devi looked over at him with concern. He nodded aggressively. "I'm fine," he coldly replied, looking away and staring at the dolls.

A sudden gutteral growl sounded from the very bowels of the house, causing it to shake ever so slightly and his heart rate quickened. He anxiously stood up and shot a huge, faux grin at her. "LET'S GO OUT AND PROMOTE THIS PLACE, WHADDYA SAY?!" He ran upstairs to his room to grab his knives. He picked up both of his smiley blades and shoved one into each of his boots, walking back down. "Ahem." He cleared his throat and averted his eyes awkwardly. "Ready."

Devi smiled, getting up on her feet and stretching, popping her back a bit before walking to the door. "Well, come on, then."

They walked out the door and swiftly began their journey on foot to recruit customers. As they walked, they neared a small crowd of people, hovering around something and whispering excitedly. Nny glanced over at Devi and she returned the glance for a moment before they both looked back, approaching the crowd.

They slipped in between some people to find a small, green alien standing on top of a box with a small child beside him. Standing on the box made the alien appear taller than the child, most likely his goal. "Squee!," Nny quietly whispered to himself. Devi blinked at this. "Huh?"

The alien nudged the child, Squee, and shoved him forward, causing him to make a small "squee!," noise and timidly walk to the center of the crowd. He took a deep breath, looking absolutely terrified for his very existence, before plastering a tiny smile on his face.

 _Ladies and gentlemen and other things, may I have your attention PLEEEEAAASEEEE?_

 _Do you wake every morning to cranial swelling_

 _And rejected by family upon your telling?_

 _Well, ladies and gentlemen and other things,_

 _now you can awaken at ease!_

 _You will never again have a worrysome life_

 _I will show you how all of you can end your strife._

 _Gentlemen, you are about to see something_

 _what happened to the stinky Dib Membrane's heeeeaaaaad_

Suddenly the alien on the side jumped off of the box and kicked it, causing it to tumble off and reveal Dib with a... smaller head than usual. It actually looked downright disturbingly small.

Squee: _Twas Invader Zim's Head-Shrinking Elixir_

 _That's what did the trick, sir,_

 _True, sir, true._

 _Was it quick, sir?_

 _Did in a tick, sir_

 _Just like an elixir ought to do._

 _How about a bottle, mister?_

 _Only cost a signature, gauranteed._

 _Does the Zim's target the entire growth, sir?_

 _You can have my oath, sir. You'll stand tall!_

 _Rub it all in, please ignore the burnin'_

 _Wake up in the mornin', your head's small_

Johnny smirked a bit and crossed his arms, looking around and then speaking loudly to Devi to prove a point to everyone. "Pardon me, ma'am, what's that HORRIBLE stink?"

Devi shook her head and grimaced. "Are we standing near an open trench? Pardon me, sir, what's that HORRIBLE stench?"

Nny: _Must be standing near an open trench!_

Squee: _Buy Invader Zim's Head-Shrinking Elixir,_

 _If you've got a blimp, sir, for a head_

 _Try Invader Zim's, when they see how small, sir_

 _You can have it all, sir! None reported dead!_

Squee looked ran up to Johnny with a smile. "Wanna buy a bottle, Mr. Scary Neighbor Man?"

Nny: _What is this?_

Devi: _What is this?_

Nny: _Smells like shit_

Devi: _Smells like- eeww!_

Nny stared at the bottle, analyzing it.

 _Looks like shit._

Devi: _Wouldn't touch it if I were you, dear._

Johnny took a small sniff and grimaced.

 _This is shit. Shit and acid._

Squee leapt up on the box.

Squee: _Let Invader Zim's counteract the growth, sir_

Nny: _You can have my oath, sir, you will die._

Squee: _Yes, get Invader Zim's, Use a bottle of it, ladies really love it_

Devi: _So do flies!_

She cocked a smirk at the alien who she presumed was Zim. Zim's right eye twitched visciously and he jumped forward to Devi and Nny.

"SILENCE! Pitiful, skeptical HYOOMANS! Must you ruin EVERYONE'S chances at a product endorsement dEEEEAAAAALLLL?"

Nny shook his head and inched his face close to Zim's. He whispered, "I know... I know what you're doing." It was plain as day to him. He was going to try and kill everyone on the planet off with this stuff, and before Nny could get his revenge on Jimmy!

He whispered once more in the Irken's face. "This is MY job. Not yours. Pick another occupation to prove your self-worth at to a bunch of higher-ups." He sneered. Zim glared daggers at the tall human. "How about we have a CONTEST for it?! I challenge you, Nny Human to a race. But NOT just any race. A race at MAKING FLIERSSSSSSSS! YESSSSSS! The deadly pieces of paper in which you advertise things and make the humans SUCCUMBBBBBBB!"

Johnny smirked at Devi. "Hmm. Okay. But the QUALITY of the fliers will make the victor. Not just the speed. Got it?"

"And just _whoooo_ would be the judge of that?"

A slow, clever smirk spread across Nny's face. "She would." He pointed his long, claw-like finger at Devi. "She's this city's most renowned artist."

"Oh, dookie..."


End file.
